Street3

Poker players that play on Full Tilt poker have the option of choosing which avatar they want to represent them at the table.  They offer a wide selection from male/female characters to animals to objects.   Can the avatar you choose hinder or help your online play? Do other players pre judge your ability based on your avatar? I don’t think most do, although sometimes i get hit on when i choose a female avatar.  Anyway, i thought it would be a good idea to give you what i believe your avatar says about you.  Because FTP has over 70 avatars to choose from, this post will be done in multiple parts.   Look for the avatar you use and see if my analysis is correct

 ANIMAL AVATARS – PART 1

  This avatar represent ruthless agression.  Mostly used by younger males and those with a passion for the hippity-hoppity music, they can be seen at all levels of a tournament.  But, don’t be fooled by the “angry” dog, as this usally represents weakness.

 

 Players choosing this guppy are timid and extremely nitty.  Just as guppies have s short life span, the girly guys that choose this avatar are not likely to hang around till the money.  Get their chips while you can!

 

 Most recognizable as the avatar of FTP Luckbox Pro Tom “Durrr” Dwan.  Players choosing this floating head are most likely Durrr fanboys and will be uber spewey playing shit cards like their idol.  But, unlike their idol they have no pact with the devil, therefore will not hit the miracle 1 outer over 85% of the time.  Call their bets and you’ll be stacking their chips.

 

 A perplexing avatar choice as players of all skill levels have represented themselves with Fluffy.  Fluffy looks so innocent, but can be extremely aggressive.  Always approach pots with caution when facing these little white turds. 

 

The most feared and intimidating creature in the ocean is the shark.  A bad ass predator that preys on the weak and owns his opponents.  Players representing this bad ass mother fucker should be feared and respected.  HAHA Just kidding, while “sharks” are generally well respected and feared opponents, nobody calls themselves that so why would they choose this as their avatar?  Because they “think” they are good, but they are not.  Middle pair, weak kicker is generally good against them.  Let them bet in to you and try to bluff you on the river. But be prepared for a slew insults to come your way from the rail as they cry about your play.

 

Not a very popular choice by players, this avatar screams ADD and lack of focus.  Not likely to make it to the first break, these players can be tilted by using as much of the clock as possible when it’s your turn.  They will grow angry and start filling the chat box with “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”  to indicate they are falling asleep waiting on you to act.    

 

 I really don’t know why anyone would want to represent themselves as a fucking frog.  What’s it say about your game? Nothing i can think of.   These players are most likely challenged in some way. 

 

 Another avatar not commonly seen.  Most likely because, like it’s real life counterpart, the cat is worthless, ugly and just plain stupid.  Players reprsenting this avatar are generally French and therefore sloppy and bluff crazy.  

 

ANIMAL AVATARS – PART 2

 

Ah the donkey.  The most hated and loved player in the game.  Players choosing this avatar have been called a donkey so many times, they cant help but represent themselves that way.   When you have the nuts these players will pay you off, when you try to bluff, these players will stack you.  Be especially cautious of the “confused” donkey as this player probably can’t even spell poker.

 

Another avatar rarely seen at the tables.  Nobody likes elephants, they’re big, dumb and that trunk is weird.  So what type of player chooses this? Probably some zoo keeper sitting in a cage full of elephant shit.  I have never seen an elephant at a final table and if you can’t defeat the elephant player, then you should go play on the freeway at night and always head toward the light.

  

The Gecko, commonly seen at the tables.  This avatar has the best expressions and makes me LOL.  The players using this lizard are competent enough to compete and most likely to dumb to fold.  They will make hero/donk calls and stack you.  These players can be tilted by suggesting the Caveman is a better mascot for car insurance.  This angers the gecko and immediately puts them on tilt.

 

Seriously? A fucking rooster? Who in their right mind even associates a rooster with poker? I know one player, GoofyRooster, who uses this avatar and honestly a rooster pecking at the keyboard has a better ROI than him.   If you see a rooster at your table, chances are the player behind the avatar is one chicken-methed-out douchecanoe.  A constant bluffer, can be easily tilted by calling him down and sucking out.   If you can, 3bet with AQ against this player, flop Q high and he’l pay you off with AK.  He can’t fold.

 

Take a close look at this avatar.  Is Timmy the Tard Turtle sitting in a pile of his own green shit? I believe he is, afterall he’s a fucking Tard Turtle.  An easy generalization can be made about the players using this avatar…..they are either Canadian or so old they will diapers and constantly shit themselves.  They min raise, fold to 3bets and can be pushed of quad K’s for fear you have quad A’s even if no Aces are on the board.  Stack their chips, but beware the stench of Tard Turtle shit.

 

 Ah the Asian PedoBear, not too common as most players represent this avatar are from Asia and are playing while you are sleeping.  So if you see this avatar, chances are the guy playing is on a 24 hour bender and most likely hallucinating.  I don’t know the bet approach to playing these obviously insane players, so approach wtih caution.  Can be easily tilted by mentioning “To Catch A Predator” in the chat box and telling them you are, in fact, Chris Hanson.  PedoBears fear this man.

 

 A penguin.  A nemisis of Batman.  The coolest evolutionary duck/goose hybrid ever concieved by the mad scientist Mother Nature.  Players using this avatar are cool, calculated and far to smart to be playing the donk levels most of us play.  That being said, their masterful 4bet and smooth flop calls are far too advanced to work, they will usually chip you up because you’re too dumb to fold top pair.  They’ll make sarcastic remarks like “lol nh” or “meh nice call” to which you’ll respond with “ty” truely believing they are complimenting you.  P.S. Im looking at you Swyyft. 

 

MORE AVATAR ANALYSIS COMING SOON

Another season of the Real World is upon us and we all know what that means:  It’s time for a bunch of fucking confused 20 somethings to live in a house, fuck each other, lie to each other, cry, bitch, moan, get into fights, bitch about working or not working, etc….I’ve watched all of 15 minutes of the first show and have listed the cast below and a brief bio for your information.

  -  Andrew:  A fucking 20 something virgin who is not funny, not witty and completly fucking retarded.

 - Ashely:  Ms “Fucking Knows Everything”, also a whore.

- Callie:  The small  town girl that probably fucked everyone in her small town, twice.

 - Emily:  Oh lord, this bitch is “religious” and “lives and breathes” the bible….well, i guess living and breathing the bible means fucking every guy AND girl she comes in contact with. 

 - Eric:  Relegious, confused man fucker.  Plays pitcher and catcher on the ball team. 

 - Erika:  *shudders*  She only fucks guys with tattoos and piercings, which is about 95% of the male population.  Also a “musician”, if you haven’t downloaded any of her songs on Itunes, don’t worry, she hasn’t recorded any.  Note to Erika, just because you “like” music, it doesn’t make you a “musician”.  Dumb cunt.  She is also a whore.

 - Ty:  Or Token.  ‘Nuff said.

 - Josh:  This guy is also a “musician”.  He is the female Erika.  He also has never recorded any music.  He has tattoos! His I.Q. may be negative.