Street3

This is the 2nd installment of my FTP Avatar Analysis.  If you missed the 1st installment, you can read it here:   http://www.street3.me/2010/03/what-your-ftp-avatar-says-about-you/

This section will focus on inanimate object avatars and other non human avatars.  Enjoy.

This avatar is perplexing.  What kind of playing style does a plant represent?  Who would choose a plant?  Are they agressive? Donkish?  Who the fuck knows.  I do not know anyone, other than maybe fans of   Little Shop of Horros, who likes plants enough.  IMO, worthless and no way any serious mother fucker chooses this dirty plant.

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTF is this thing?  Swamp things lil’ squirt?  Oh lord.  Only a true donk would choose this fugly thing.  Looks like what you wake up to after a night of shrooms, beer and poorly priced hookers.

This player is either one of those goth vampire tards or a european.  Either way, they will suck out on you just as the fictional character they identify themselves with.  Can be easily tilted by suggesting in chat that the vampires of the Twilight saga are the more actual depiction of what a true “vampire” is.  Or, if that fails, start bashing True Blood, the HBO series all “vamp” fans just love!

Good ole Frankenberry.  The dumbest of all “monsters” and in most cases, the player behind this avatar is just as dumb.  There is nothing menacing about this avatar, in fact, just the opposite.  This avatar represents newness to the game and is probably used by some 8 year old kid donkin his way to the money by stacking your ass with 93o.  Be careful, but always bet the nuts, don’t slow play, you’ll get paid off.

Another in FTP’s series of horrible halloween avatars.  I don’t know what to say about this ugly piece of shit, but it’s not intimidating, it’s not scary, it’s just an ugly green piece of toilet paper wrapped shit.

Just another in the series of horrible FTP avatars, i actually  think this is the guy that sells Gremlins to stupid fucking americans.  If that’s the case, then the player behind Fu Man Chin Choo may also be a crafty asian waiting to trap you.

Again, no reason this avatar should even be an option.  This avatar should serve as a reminder of what happens when you combine Meth, trailer parks and skank hoes.   This is a common “disconnect” avatar as the player is usually on AOL Dial-up from his trailer while his meth-mouthed “girlfriend” is mixing 3parts battery acid, 1 part drain-o and 2 parts kerosene without blowing up there “mobile” home, thus achieving a permanent “disconnect” from this world.

I don’t know if FTP allows plaers to select this avatar or if it’s automatically assigned once you made a number of deposits.  This player is either a literal money machine or been called one so much he just decided to represent.  On the other hand, the ATM could represent the player is always cashing  out your money.  Be wary of this bucket of bolts.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr matey!  It’s Johnny Depp, i mean, Bubba the Butt Pirate!  Shiver me fucking timbers this avatar screams gayness.  Well that or players that have fantasies of months alone on a boat with guys that have not showered or brushed their remaining tooth since, well, probably ever.   Pirates were just rapist on boats and today’s pirates, with their autmatic machine guns, would destroy the peg legged, parrot pedophiles of the early centuaries.  That being said, the players using this avatar are probably watching Goonies or fapin’ to Fabio to even worry about.

This avatar is represent by 3 different player types:  First, the player that hails from Boston, i.e,  @cpropker Secondly, a player under 5″2″, i.e, @pokernations.  Finally, a player that can be known to 3bet with J3o, be called and hit miracle J33 flops against players holding KK or better, i.e, @widmayer.   So these avatars should be approached with caution, because what it boils down to is these guys have slept with so many Irish dudes that they reek of the  “luck of the irish”.  Keepin in mind, most players hail from Boston, they can be tilted in any season.  If baseball season, talk up the Yankees and mention Buckner’s Blunder.  Football season, talk about Ballerina Brady and how since he tried to go straight with that model, his football game has suffered.  Or during basketball season, throw out the Laker and Kobe.  Or just mention that Larry Bird was just an AVERAGE player and would have never even started had he been black.  The great white hope was just another white boy in a black man’s game.

Poker players that play on Full Tilt poker have the option of choosing which avatar they want to represent them at the table.  They offer a wide selection from male/female characters to animals to objects.   Can the avatar you choose hinder or help your online play? Do other players pre judge your ability based on your avatar? I don’t think most do, although sometimes i get hit on when i choose a female avatar.  Anyway, i thought it would be a good idea to give you what i believe your avatar says about you.  Because FTP has over 70 avatars to choose from, this post will be done in multiple parts.   Look for the avatar you use and see if my analysis is correct

 ANIMAL AVATARS – PART 1

  This avatar represent ruthless agression.  Mostly used by younger males and those with a passion for the hippity-hoppity music, they can be seen at all levels of a tournament.  But, don’t be fooled by the “angry” dog, as this usally represents weakness.

 

 Players choosing this guppy are timid and extremely nitty.  Just as guppies have s short life span, the girly guys that choose this avatar are not likely to hang around till the money.  Get their chips while you can!

 

 Most recognizable as the avatar of FTP Luckbox Pro Tom “Durrr” Dwan.  Players choosing this floating head are most likely Durrr fanboys and will be uber spewey playing shit cards like their idol.  But, unlike their idol they have no pact with the devil, therefore will not hit the miracle 1 outer over 85% of the time.  Call their bets and you’ll be stacking their chips.

 

 A perplexing avatar choice as players of all skill levels have represented themselves with Fluffy.  Fluffy looks so innocent, but can be extremely aggressive.  Always approach pots with caution when facing these little white turds. 

 

The most feared and intimidating creature in the ocean is the shark.  A bad ass predator that preys on the weak and owns his opponents.  Players representing this bad ass mother fucker should be feared and respected.  HAHA Just kidding, while “sharks” are generally well respected and feared opponents, nobody calls themselves that so why would they choose this as their avatar?  Because they “think” they are good, but they are not.  Middle pair, weak kicker is generally good against them.  Let them bet in to you and try to bluff you on the river. But be prepared for a slew insults to come your way from the rail as they cry about your play.

 

Not a very popular choice by players, this avatar screams ADD and lack of focus.  Not likely to make it to the first break, these players can be tilted by using as much of the clock as possible when it’s your turn.  They will grow angry and start filling the chat box with “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”  to indicate they are falling asleep waiting on you to act.    

 

 I really don’t know why anyone would want to represent themselves as a fucking frog.  What’s it say about your game? Nothing i can think of.   These players are most likely challenged in some way. 

 

 Another avatar not commonly seen.  Most likely because, like it’s real life counterpart, the cat is worthless, ugly and just plain stupid.  Players reprsenting this avatar are generally French and therefore sloppy and bluff crazy.  

 

ANIMAL AVATARS – PART 2

 

Ah the donkey.  The most hated and loved player in the game.  Players choosing this avatar have been called a donkey so many times, they cant help but represent themselves that way.   When you have the nuts these players will pay you off, when you try to bluff, these players will stack you.  Be especially cautious of the “confused” donkey as this player probably can’t even spell poker.

 

Another avatar rarely seen at the tables.  Nobody likes elephants, they’re big, dumb and that trunk is weird.  So what type of player chooses this? Probably some zoo keeper sitting in a cage full of elephant shit.  I have never seen an elephant at a final table and if you can’t defeat the elephant player, then you should go play on the freeway at night and always head toward the light.

  

The Gecko, commonly seen at the tables.  This avatar has the best expressions and makes me LOL.  The players using this lizard are competent enough to compete and most likely to dumb to fold.  They will make hero/donk calls and stack you.  These players can be tilted by suggesting the Caveman is a better mascot for car insurance.  This angers the gecko and immediately puts them on tilt.

 

Seriously? A fucking rooster? Who in their right mind even associates a rooster with poker? I know one player, GoofyRooster, who uses this avatar and honestly a rooster pecking at the keyboard has a better ROI than him.   If you see a rooster at your table, chances are the player behind the avatar is one chicken-methed-out douchecanoe.  A constant bluffer, can be easily tilted by calling him down and sucking out.   If you can, 3bet with AQ against this player, flop Q high and he’l pay you off with AK.  He can’t fold.

 

Take a close look at this avatar.  Is Timmy the Tard Turtle sitting in a pile of his own green shit? I believe he is, afterall he’s a fucking Tard Turtle.  An easy generalization can be made about the players using this avatar…..they are either Canadian or so old they will diapers and constantly shit themselves.  They min raise, fold to 3bets and can be pushed of quad K’s for fear you have quad A’s even if no Aces are on the board.  Stack their chips, but beware the stench of Tard Turtle shit.

 

 Ah the Asian PedoBear, not too common as most players represent this avatar are from Asia and are playing while you are sleeping.  So if you see this avatar, chances are the guy playing is on a 24 hour bender and most likely hallucinating.  I don’t know the bet approach to playing these obviously insane players, so approach wtih caution.  Can be easily tilted by mentioning “To Catch A Predator” in the chat box and telling them you are, in fact, Chris Hanson.  PedoBears fear this man.

 

 A penguin.  A nemisis of Batman.  The coolest evolutionary duck/goose hybrid ever concieved by the mad scientist Mother Nature.  Players using this avatar are cool, calculated and far to smart to be playing the donk levels most of us play.  That being said, their masterful 4bet and smooth flop calls are far too advanced to work, they will usually chip you up because you’re too dumb to fold top pair.  They’ll make sarcastic remarks like “lol nh” or “meh nice call” to which you’ll respond with “ty” truely believing they are complimenting you.  P.S. Im looking at you Swyyft. 

 

MORE AVATAR ANALYSIS COMING SOON

The twitter poker tour is a group of poker players that met on twitter and set up a weekly game.  Through the course of playing, they have also helped put a bad beat on cancer by settting up tournaments that donate to help cancer research.  This Sunday (Feb 21st), they have set up 3 tournaments to help fight cancer.   Information can be found below.  Many thanks go out to Geoff Manning http://twitter.com/cprpoker) and Paul Ellis http://twitter.com/coolwhipflea) for setting up these events.

Help Put a Bad Beat on Cancer!
On February 21st, 2010 the Twitter Poker Tour is teaming up with Bad Beat on Cancer to raise money to benefit the Prevent Cancer Foundation.  Join the TPT and a host of Full Tilt Red Pro’s starting at 6PM ET on Sunday the 21st to raise money and awareness for cancer prevention!

For more information visit the Bad Beat on Cancer Charity Event page.

The following screen shots depict my ability to run bad on 02/08/2010

I was short so i limped, intending to shove the flop no matter what, i got a great flop so i thought.  22 called my flop shove.

Of course i flop trips and check the flop.  He caught up.  FML.

Here i have less than 10 BB’s so it’s folded to me, i shove, 99 calls and the rest is Street3 history.  FML.  Out 5 from the money.

IDK what to say about this shit other than yes, that donkey called my preflop raise.

We were in the money, i shove short and chip leader calls. OBV what happens.

After a quick nap from 2:30 am to about 8:30, i wanted to see if the bad beats took a break…..see for yourself!

 

He shoved short, i called.  Of course he hit, no worries, i still had lots of chips left!!!……..Well, until two hands later when this shit happened:

AFter the flop, i shoved.  He called…he was ahead, then he wasn’t!!!  Then he was again

Of course he called the preflop raise and hell yeah he check raised all in on the flop.  NOTE:  I tried this same manuever in a latter SNG only to not hit.  WTF….oh well, stay tuned for more!!!

Undeniable proof that A4o is in fact the fucking NUTS!  Call raises with them, definately see the turn and river!!

And like a sucker i thought you dump A4o to a raise….who knew….certaintly this cannot happen twice in 20 minutes….can it???

Nevermind that i shove the flop….nevermind that he called….all that matters is FTP hates me.

Now proof that what works for others, does not work for me.  Take Case 1, below:

After a 3bet, 4bet, 5bet shove, call, all the chips go in preflop.  Of course i have him dominated!  I’m 70% fav to win the hand….but the fucking 3 outer hits and sends me to another table…….

Hey here is another scenerio, but this time, i am the obv dog preflop!  Same shit as before right? I’ll hit the Ace on the flop!  Nope.  On the turn?  Hell no!  On the river?  Fuck no.  I tell ya, it’s beyond funny now, how bad i can run!

Another season of the Real World is upon us and we all know what that means:  It’s time for a bunch of fucking confused 20 somethings to live in a house, fuck each other, lie to each other, cry, bitch, moan, get into fights, bitch about working or not working, etc….I’ve watched all of 15 minutes of the first show and have listed the cast below and a brief bio for your information.

  -  Andrew:  A fucking 20 something virgin who is not funny, not witty and completly fucking retarded.

 - Ashely:  Ms “Fucking Knows Everything”, also a whore.

- Callie:  The small  town girl that probably fucked everyone in her small town, twice.

 - Emily:  Oh lord, this bitch is “religious” and “lives and breathes” the bible….well, i guess living and breathing the bible means fucking every guy AND girl she comes in contact with. 

 - Eric:  Relegious, confused man fucker.  Plays pitcher and catcher on the ball team. 

 - Erika:  *shudders*  She only fucks guys with tattoos and piercings, which is about 95% of the male population.  Also a “musician”, if you haven’t downloaded any of her songs on Itunes, don’t worry, she hasn’t recorded any.  Note to Erika, just because you “like” music, it doesn’t make you a “musician”.  Dumb cunt.  She is also a whore.

 - Ty:  Or Token.  ‘Nuff said.

 - Josh:  This guy is also a “musician”.  He is the female Erika.  He also has never recorded any music.  He has tattoos! His I.Q. may be negative.

Throughout life we come across situations that change our direction.  They can be as simple as something we read or as devastating as the loss of a loved one.  They can cause us to drastically change our way of life or slightly alter the path we are on.  Each of us can remember countless times where something we did or didn’t do has led us to a place we may not have found otherwise.  In school, a simple conversation with a counselor or teacher may lead to a different area of study.  In work, a new project may provide different skills sets to master. 

No matter what or where these situations occur, they nevertheless have impacted our lives in various ways.  Some say these are predetermined and we were meant to experience them, others say there is no order to the choas and everything happens in an instant, no cosmic forces worked their magic to put all the characters in place.   Arguments can be made to support either side and nobody can say for certain which is right or wrong.  As a race can we really be happy knowing we serve no real purpose or that no matter what we say or do, our lives are meaningless in the grand scheme of things?  Or can we really be happy if we know that every little action can have devestating effects on the rest of our lives?  That may be an extreme statement as surely nobody believes they are that “important” and that every thing they do effects everyone on the planet.  So what are we to believe? Are our lives predetermined or are we completely random and thus inconsequential to each other and the world?  

From the beginning of our time here until the last remains of our civilizations are but a faint memory of wind and dust, each of us are characters with specific roles to play.  Some may have only one role, others can have many.  Some roles may seem insignificant while others are life changing.  Theycan range from the role the teacher that steers a student toward the science that cures cancer.  The teacher’s role may seem insignificant at first, but the end result is life changing.  I believe these roles to be forecast and our souls carry these purposes with them into our world.  So in one sense i am saying that yes our lives are predetermined, but not so in such a cut and dry way.  While our roles are predetermined, who we are and what we are when it’s tim e to execute these roles is entirely up to us.  This is where our “free will” comes into play and while it has no adverse effects on the outscome, it can drastically change who or what we are when that time comes.   If im destined to save a person’s life on August 29, 2012, then no matter what i do from the time of my birth until that day will change the fact that i will be there to save that person’s life.  What changes is this: how i save them, where i save them, the circumstances around their situation.  What really matters is that i will be there.  It doesn’t matter who i am or what i am doing with my life, i will be there.  I could be a homeless man or a sports superstar, the fact remains that i will be there when i need to be. 

I just believe that as insignificant as we might seem, each of us has a purpose or multiple purposes that,while unknown or even aware of, are as important as the greatest inventions or acts of heroism throughout history.  Nobody should ever feel they are unimportant or not needed.   Each of us is more important than we can imagine or comprehend and our lives have meaning and signficance to those around us now and in the future.

I need a job

Laid off, got my mind on my money and no money coming in…..laid off….doh.

I beat Andy Bloch in a hand of poker last night. One hand, my K 10 beat his Q9 when neither of us paired the board.  Therefore, i rule. I should turn pro. Sponorship offers welcomed.  Thanks.

I played a 90 player SNG on FTP, i won it.  Here’s photoshopped proof.  http://twitpic.com/1eiau